husband & son; whole life

February 19, 2009
2 whole months away
although the time is getting so
closer i guess becoming a mother is still
like something new and so freaking unbelievable to me
still in the shock state simply because I never pictured
me becoming a mother and definitely not at
the age of 19!
a portion of me is still kind of
scared and a bit terrified but then
the other part of me is like I'm ready for this I got myself
into this situation therefore it's too late to go to my
grandpop crying asking him to help me get
out of it. Truthfully I don't want out!
I'm looking forward to this new adventure in my life
although I didn't plan for it to happen this soon
there is no part of me that regret it at all!
I never thought I could love anyone the way I love
my son besides his father
but out of no where this feeling began to fill my whole
heart and it was then that I knew I would
do any and everything in my power to make sure
my son has a happy childhood.
My husband is everything I ever pictured a man to be
he's smart, sweet, gentle but rough, very loving
caring, funny, respectable. he reminds me so
much of my grandpop and that's the kind of man
I always wanted to marry but never thought for one
second that I would ever really find him!
Although life is still a bit hectic for us right now we are dealing
with it like a real family would do because that's what we are
Once this bad storm passes I know we wont be able to
stop the sun from shining on us!
Guess it's really true you can never get the fulfilment of the
beautiful sun before you come across a few bad storms.
Insha'allah this will be over with soon and my babe will be back
home because I miss him so much.
At times I start to think that being away from him will
like begin to get a little easier as time elapses but then at
night I lay my head down on the bed we once shared together
and it seems like it gets ten times worse!
I never could imagine I would need anybody the way I need him
but it's like he broke all my rules and changed everything I thought
I knew about myself.
He has made me look at myself so differently then
what I used to do, he made me love myself
unconditionally which is something I never could do prior to him coming in my life!
I feel like so good about DOMINIQUE now where as though before
it was a sometime type of thing where I loved myself but then again I didn't!
Karl gave me reasons without even knowing he was giving them to me!
He showed me that I can be myself and still
find someone to love me just for who I am
and never expect me to change just to please
them! My whole heart is in his hands and I don't truly care
if we are together for 24 hours 7 days a week or
30 minutes 2 times a week I'm never leaving him
I told him that I would always be riding for him and
rest assure he know that my words are true!
I'm so ready for 2009 to begin and I'm ready
for my son to be here but most importantly
I have been ready for 3 months 2 weeks and 1 day
for my babe 2 be here!!!




Dominique
+
Karl
=
Sa'ir

-the JARMON's

-him♥

September 4, 2008 when you left out the door 2 go
2 skool I don't believe I ever thought for
a second that you wouldn't be walking back through my door at the end of the skool day.
It's been 2 months and 5 days since
those evil people took u away from me.
most times i feel weak & like i cant make it on my own without you
other few times i feel strong enough to be just fine.
jail is not the place I want the man I love to be
I know most people always say see I told you so if he would have listened
to you maybe none of this shit would be happening
but I'm not one to dwell on the things you do I knew that eventaully
you would soon learn that the people you called your "friends" were
no good at all for you!
I mean yeah I am pissed that it took all of this for you to even think about the
things I was telling you. How dare you even try
to tell yourself that each time I was telling you that none of these motherfuckas was
no good 4 you; you believed that I was trying to control your life when in all reality
I was trying to keep you safe and keep your guard up for you even if you couldn't do it yourself.
But as you would say that's neither here nor there LESSON LEARNED

Now all Dominique wants for Karl to do is come HOME
don't leave me for to long by myself because I'm not too sure if I'm really capable of surviving this shit on my own
especially since were expecting a son.
Each day I wake up or go to sleep and you are not there that shit pisses me off more
than you would ever be able to comprehend; 7:30 that morning when you were
walking out my door to go to skool I never imagined not laying next to you
when the skool day was done with. The only thing on my mind was I'm
so glad I saw my babe this morning he looked so good going to skool
he better not get into any trouble it's the 1^st day of his last year in that joint
When I drove past your skool I didn't think for one second that the police had put the whole building on lock
down just so you wouldn't be able to run away from something that you didn't do!
Sometimes I start to hate myself for making you go to skool that day
I often sit and wonder what would have happened if we weren't trying to rush eating breakfast just to
make love before you went to skool. what would this day be like if we would have
just took our time slowed everything down and just said babe we dont have anything to rush for
so lets just enjoy ourselves
But i also refuse to dwell on that simply because everything happens for a reason and if this was Allah's only
way of getting through to you then we just have to accept it for what it is


I know at the end of the day Allah will work everything out and we will be just fine!

Dominique + Karl = Sa'ir
2getha 4eva we'll make history

come home soon babe

need u bad as a ♥beat

been away from u for 4 days; but really
been u really been away from me 4 3 weeks &nd 3 days
i`m missin ya silly ass like crazy
seein u on Wednesday made me da happiest
i`ve eva been since u been away!
each time i get 1 of the letters that you write me
i get so happy &nd excited
yea i might cry but at da end of
da day i`ll still b smilin &nd happy.


babe i wish u could fully understand
how much it is dat i really do love u
&nd miss u like crazy!
i`m not used 2 bein away from u dis long but i
know n due time everythin will work out &nd b
4 da best.

u &nd our child is da only main
reasons dat i have been holdin on without u
4 as long as i have been.
i know u say don`t let dis shxt stress me out
but at da end of da day i can`t fxckin help it;
especially when it seem's like u can go for
days without hearin my voice;
although it may not b true i still don't talk
2 u as much as i would like 2 &nd dat
shxt kills da hell outta me;
mentally; physically; &nd spirtually!


2day i wrote u a llllllllloooonnnnnggggg ass letter expressin my feelings
on everythin dat u wanted 2 know my opinion on

i actualy wrote u more den 1 letter;
i sent u 3 pics also
i hope it makes u happy &nd not talk
all nsane 4 a few days.


i`m tryin 2 cum c u on wednesday;
can't really wait but like last week i refuse 2
get my hopes all up &nd get excited
4 sumthin dat may or may not cum true


babe i promise on everythin dat i love all u have 2 do is keep
prayin everyday &nd neva give up hope
&nd trust me wen i say it Allah will answer all of our prayers!

i know u ask me 2 pray 4 u but i`m prolli
da 1 dat needs prayin da most!!!




karl j. i love u babe

all |BREAD| shxt

he`s all i got
i`ll neva n a million yrs leave him alone
wether he puts a ring on my finger or not
he`s stuck wit me lol
da mother of his child
da love of his life
how could i eva try 2 walk away from dat?!


he say he`s da lucky 1 but truth be told i really am
he didn`t have 2 meet my brotha dat day dat dey met
he didn`t have 2 walk thru my front door dat day
he didn`t have 2 be my friend
he didn`t have 2 say he liked me when i asked him
he didn`t have 2 stick around as long as he did
&+ he damn sure didn`t have 2 tell me he love me and i`m da only one he wants 2 be with
but he did &+ im lucky for dat!!


but at da same time i didn`t have 2 strike up a conversation wit him
i didn`t have 2 become his friend
i didn`t have 2 pursue anything with him
i didn`t have 2 tell him i was feeling him
&+ i damn sure didn`t have 2 fall for him as hard as i did
but i did &+ i can`t control dat &+ if i could i wouldn`t

so i guess we can both consider ourselves 2 be lucky!!


all i still know after all dis time is i love him
&+ i wont eva be da fool 2 give him up so some otha bxtch can have him


we stuck by each otha wen no one else did
wen every1 was tryin 2 tear us apart
he was da 1 dat stood by my side &+
looked me n my face &+ said
"dee fxck wat dey say i love u"
i hold u up 2 those words everyday of my life


i love u bread &+ u can guarantee dat my word is word lol


didn`t leave u den &+ i wont leave u now or eva



keep ya head up babe we`ll b kool!!

i`ll neva leave ya side

nothing has been goin our way lately;

but i promise i wont eva leave ya side

NO MATTER WHAT!

fxck wat da ppl round da way have

2 say; dey dont make us nor would dey eva break us!

I`m ya fxckin rider 2 da end of time &+

dats word on our unborn child babe!!

I know I keep stressing out but underneath all of this crying

&+ worrying I know everything will be alright!
We will make it through this and laugh at

every last one of them stupid bxtches that thought

they could keep you away from me for the

rest of our lives!!

I do have 2 admit I miss the hell out of you;

everytime I step in my room I just think about you laying

in the bed butt ass naked lmfao;

damn I can`t wait 4 dem days again. I so miss laying in bed telling me not

to touch you when we both know how bad

you wanted my soft chocolate hands all over

that hot light skinned body lmfao

I really miss kissing you;

hate watching love movies now because everytime I see someone

kiss their boyfriend or girlfriend I just can`t help

but to think about how I love kissing your lips but you always acted

like you didn`t want to kiss me when we both

knew what the truth really was!

I also miss you getting on my last damn nerves; snapping out about

every damn thing; always told u I love it when

you get rough and angry with me; you swear you some type of boss

or some fly shxt like dat lmao; naw babe u know

what you are capable of controlling!

I think just sitting and talking to

you about a bunch of nothing is what I really miss the most although u

rarely had ne thing nice to say I still miss

all of ya lil smart ass remarks that made me giggle &+ blush;

Let me say this from the bottom of my heart

I LOVE YOU KARL M. JARMON

and I will NEVER do anything to betray ya TRUST;

at the end of the day you can assure yaself that

DOMINIQUE D. THOMAS loves you and only you!

You are my 1^st love

&+ my only!
I got ya baq babe you dont have 2 worry bout shxt

-when you dont believe i know

there's always hope somewhere out

there for us!

I wont ever let your love go to waste!

I LOVE YOU BABE!

ya love is timeless

&+
at da end of da day ya love
is da best thing my eyes
&+
my heart have eva felt!

yea we have problems but i wouldnt trade dat
n 4 da most perfect relationship n da world

our love is by far da scariest
&+
funniest
&+
weirdest rollercoaster i have been on yet
ya love takes me 2 heaven
&+
hell
&+
baq again!
&+
i fxckin love it ;-)

dont really know where i would have been without u n my
life these past months u been here; da day i met u
i knew god made u jus rite 4 me!!

madly n love wit u
&+
i dont want dis feelin 2 eva leave;
want u 2 always b my ripple steel skin!

yea i know u can b a jerkoff most times
&+
act u like u dont give a hoot about me or how i feel
but i know dats a lie;
dont know how much u really love me but i
do know that there is some love n ya heart 4 me!!

ya love is da sweetest taste of sin ne 1
could eva taste!
u got me doin
&+
feelin shxt i neva do;

yea i told ppl i cared 4 dem prior 2 u cumin around
but i can honestly say not 1 of dem had me like u did
dey mite have thought dey did but deep down n my heart
i always knew da truth; knew none of dem was really
worth my time jus stayed cuz it wasnt nuffin betta at da time

but wen i tell u i love u
&+
im n love wit u i mean dat shxt from da bottom of
my heart; tell u i love u from da same part of my heart
dat i tell my dumb ass brotha i love him from
&+
stevie can c dat my love 4 yungbull is REAL!

u have a way of makin everythin seem so wonderful
i know i can always count on u wen i need 2;
like n dis big ass world of sins
&+
tradegies ya love is 1 of da only things
dat standin strong thru-out it all!

ur deff a keeper;
if every1 n my family met u
&+
not had 1 bad thing 2 say bout u;
&+
my grandpop really likes u
den i know im not lettin u go at all
its gonna b hard trynna find anotha person where dey all can like
&+
get along wit da person dat im n love wit!!!



-&+ at da end of da day
ur my rock &+ im
ya mountain; our love is unbreakable!

here i stand |alone|

&+
if dis is life i want out
as of rite now!
want no parts of dis shxt

guess da sayin is true born by yaself
therefore die by yaself!
feel like da biggest fool n da world rite bout now
dont eva trust ppl so i dont know how i fell
4 all ya bullshxt!
should have knew u wasnt who u said u were
or who u pretended u were simply bcuz ur a boy
neva trusted a single male besides my grandpop &+ lil brotha my whole life dont know
how u managed 2 pull dis 1 off

u got me good though!
always felt like n a world of millions of ppl i was destined 2 b alone
but stopped believin n da wen u came around; u made me think diff
but now i c ur all 4 urself! fxck it has always been ya attitude dont
know y i neva paid it ne mind
dont wanna put u n da boat as every otha person n da world but it
seems as though ur swimmin towards dat way; want da current 2 wash u away from
it but its like its help pushin u dat way

dont know wat 2 do ne more give up or try harder but its like i have come
2 da point where its like wateva happens from here on out jus happens
no more tryin if ur not
&+
no more givin up if u dont
n da most confused state of mind possible;
thought we were on da same page bout everythin
found out 2day dat were not even n da same book!

wateva i want for us u want totally diff!
yea i can raise a child by myself hell i saw it done damn near my whole life;
but da problem is i dont want 2 do dat; i didnt make a child
by myself therefore y should i have 2 handle all da
responsibilites of raisin 1 by myself?
den again anotha part of me is sayin hey kill it who cares
i know wat its like 2 not have a father growin
up always feelin like ur missin da main part of y ur here!
&+ i dont wanna have 2 do dat 2 my child!!

shocked
&+
hurt
&+
lost
&+
feelin like i wanna crawl up n2 a ball
&+
die r jus sum of da emotions dat im feelin rite now

damn i cant believe i really trusted u 2 neva hurt me
&+
believed u wen u said u wouldnt!
lost all my pride
&+
dignity da moment i turned around
&+
u jus let me walk away!
always said if sumbody was foolish enuff 2 let
me walk away den i would b smart enuff 2 let dem da fxck go
but i cant do dat wit u
i really truly love u
&+
i jus wish u could understand dat
&+
possibly try 2 love me baq
neva cried dis much
&+
dis hard a day n my life
whole entire life crumbled da minute u said
do wateva it is i wanna do
thought we were n dis 2getha came 2 realize im all i really got
neva trustin anotha!!



-little boy ur all i got
dont u leave me standin here

|summer `08|

+&
aint no stoppin me now
im deff on da move lol
summer 2008
i vow 2 deff make dis 1 gr8
stress free
+&
worry free
+&
no complanin
+&
no lettin these niggas get nside my head
+&
like b4 im leavin these fakes bxtches n da fxckin dust

got my family
+&
my real friend
+&
my boyfriend
everythin else is unneccessary!


all da main ingredients 2 make life gr8 i got
therefore im not worryin bout ne thing else!

late nites dat turn n2 early mornings
is how dis summer is gonna go!
short shorts
+&
skimpy tanks
yea baby im doin it all dis yr ;-)


gotta make dis summer da fxckin best eva
cuz once september cum im all about skool
yea im baq on my book smart shxt
fxcked up dis yr but i promise dat wont eva
b me again
gotta gonna graduate
if i dont do it 4 me den im deff gonna do it
4 my brotha
+&
my grandpop
+&
my sistas!
wanna show dem da rite way 2 do shxt


dis entry is ova jus wanted 2 let ya`ll know wats n store
4 da summer time



-fxck a summer love we got
dat 4 season type love